What the Beach taught me about Relationships

Update: October 14th 2025

I decided to separate this text from "A Magical Weekend"

Magic

The Beach

"The beach is a vulnerable place.
Abrasive sand that sticks when not compacted by the water.
Salty sea that stings and burns any wounds you may have exposed.
Flat land that makes the sun unavoidable.
It's a place many love and many don't.
For this, it is a magical place, for those who do and don't like it."

Love, in any form, is just the same.

Whether the relationship is romantic, platonic, or familial, love asks us to be in a very vulnerable position but also asks us to establish boundaries. (This applies to all forms of love, not just the ones listed.)

Lets associate these with western elemental ideas.

The sea is water (our emotions), the sand and dunes are earth (groundedness, boundaries), wind is air (thoughts and communication), and the sun is fire (passion and spirit).

The formation of dunes is quite symbolic. An obstacle acts as a wind break and sand begins to pile under or behind the object.

I see the obstacle as an event that is significant to cause an interuption of casual thought, most often an issue or problem. This physically can either build up to make a big dune (a boundary) or be pulled back into the ocean.

The frequency of an object or the same object returning is a chance of a dune (boundary) being formed.

Thoughts (wind) will want to blow it away, emotions (the sea) will want to take it in, but eventually coastal plants will hold dunes in place with their roots. Roots that need time to develop, which make new dunes especially fragile.

Often when fresh, our new boundaries will be small and weak. Only the obstacle is what is holding it together. Our mind and heart will want to move and get rid of the disruption, but if there are no dunes, storms and flooding become much more destructive.

I have learned that grudges serve a purpose.

Remaining angry and remembering issues allow us to take actions to prevent it from occuring again.

Why subject yourself to emotional flooding when you can keep the boundary that prevents it?

I have learned what I want in all my relationships through my old obstacles.

I understand the blessing it is to have those I do around me, including these new friends.

It's scary to trust, but the first person you must trust to trust others is yourself.

You must have your own back, because the sea might bring that obstacle back up even if you decided to wash it away.

This grudge is you not wanting to abandon yourself.

Once you accept you can have grudges you are better able to trust yourself with the things you can let slide.

Forgiveness isn't mandatory, it's not holy, it does not always make you a better person.

Forgiveness is the acknowledgement of the reality of who a person is and their true capabilities.

I often relive those who have wronged me and I accept they are who they are. Acceptance is not excusing, but instead holding honest understanding about them.

As long as they are in my life some obstacles are unavoidable, and it is up to me whether or not I want to deal with that issue.

I cannot expect a person to change, even if they claim they will. The only one I can expect to change is me.

I need to accept the person who stands before me and decide if I want that person in my life; not the person I think they can be or who I want them to be. Accept the reality of who they actually are.

I need to decide whether I can keep this going. Do I have the self power to follow my boundaries as they potentially change, or is it better for my health and safety to leave?

The pros, the cons.

Will being around them erode all my boundaries? (Do they expect me to change when they won't?)

Do I have the energy to consistently act on my boundaries?

How am I damaging myself when I don't act on my boundaries?

Am I staying because I want to or because I "have" to?

Am I making this decision while actively upset or angry? (Write how you feel so you don't forget.)

Our power in this life are the choices we make and I am done being dragged by the world.

Sure there will be consequences to my actions but there are just as many consquences to in action.

Not acting is still a decision.